Winner H
2nd Chris
3rd Kev R
4th Andy
5th John
6th Kev Mc
"Kick him in the fucking eye!"
"Punch his legs out!"
"Stomp on his wrists!"
Such are the sounds of boozed up Britain on a Saturday night, when grown men, pissed up on drinks, eschew gentlemanly détente, and resort instead to blind ugly violence.
Luckily, we at the TPS are above such Neanderthal methods of conflict resolution. Not for us the elbow-to-the-throat or the shiv-to-the spine approach to slight settling of the general, ITV viewing, public. We choose instead a deck of cards and the poker table to settle our scores.
That said, it might have been the derelict Fight Club décor of host Johnny C's soon-to-be-sold house or the scorching April heat or (most likely) the vast amount of booze that was heartily swigged by the majority of the season-attendance-record-breaking 15 players that lead TPS 4 '07 to be the most fractious to date.
The warm weather even brought Kev Mc, Sean, H and Keith out of hibernation. It was looking like a long night, but Sids helped things along by going our early doors on table 2 (and promptly falling asleep).
"Hmm fggen guttrd" slurred Sids.
Jordan soon followed after going all in with a pocket pair of 5's. "I've got a bit of a cold" sniffed Jordan, Zammo-like.
Table 1, which had 6 previous TPS winners involved, was much tighter. Apart from Sean who couldn't wait to resort to his old tricks, going all in with just 3 chips in the pot. Everyone checked except Paul, who seemed tempted to take up the challenge, until finally folding his Ace-King. Sean showed a King-Ten Off, and promptly declared it a 'good fold' on Paul's part, much to the incredulity of The Entire World.
After what seemed an eternity but was more like 3 hours the final table got underway with the two Kevs, Chris, H, Andy and John (making it two final tables out of two on his home ground) taking part. The Ice Man was the first to 'melt' (sorry) and John and Kev R where soon battling it out for who had the shortest stack. The Riggler got down to 11 chips at one point and despite the fact he'd drunk enough wine to drown France, it was John who went out next, proving once again that you can check your way to a final table, but to stay there you actually have to win some hands.
Which is just what Chris was steadily doing, proving his 'Raise or Fold' tactics can work. Kev R meanwhile must have been seeing double through the vapours and started playing like all his cards where pairs. After Andy went out he was vying for second position from the normally bet-happy (and sober) H.
The fairy tale chip-rags to chip-riches finish was not to be as he soon succumbed to the ocean of wine he'd necked to finish a respectable, if incomprehensible 3rd. This left first time heads-up-ists Chris and H, with Chris having by far the most chips. Call it irony, call it common sense (call it with 5,10 off suite if it's the Masters*), but H struck a blow for temperance and won leaving the rest of the bleary eyed alconauts to rant and argue the night away amidst the booze fumes.
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